Purposeful

Whatever This Is

~ elj377 ~ Leave a comment

Isaiah 61:3 “And provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

My Divorce was a period of deep mourning in my soul. I was broken, hurt, alarmed,fearful and angry. I started working on things that I had pushed aside, that had been made small. I took a deep and honest look at who I am and I started to unpeel the parts and work on the areas that needed attention. I was convinced that I was done with marriage, done with men and I was content to be alone. I wasn’t going to go down that road again, I had been hurt too much, it wasn’t worth it. I was content to be a single woman alone.

Time has a way of changing things…as I worked on myself I started to heal. I started to feel things again, and I started to like myself again. I hadn’t liked myself for a long time…I was so trying to be something I wasn’t and truly can’t be that I became so wound up I would literally tick…I was a giant spring about to snap under tension. I stopped ticking…I was able finally to be me. I poured myself into fixing my house…making it my home…being comfortable in my own spaces. I poured myself into getting to know my children in a new and different way. To be the mom I wanted to be without being told it would be better this way…or feeling inadequate when we make mistakes. I started to relax, to embrace the positive side of life…to enjoy the time and moments I have.

It was during this period that I decided that maybe I was ready to possibly go on a date or two…so I joined on a whim a dating website…for exactly 18 hours…and in those 18 hours I received 10 messages, a bunch of random likes or smiles and just an overwhelming sense of creepiness. This process scared me to death…and I was like…nope, not happening, I’m not ready for this. I’m okay by myself…no thank you if this is what modern dating looks like then nope…I’ll be single! I remember sitting in my room on my bed and praying basically telling God that if HE wanted someone in my life…a partner for me, a helper and friend and confidant and love…then He would have to drop him in my lap! And I left it there and continued on with my life…not worried, not looking, not wanting anything.

And then God stepped in...

The last week of December 2021 I was on Facebook and a longtime friend from college posted a picture of his living room and tree with the statement… Burnt cookies and a messy living room. I think I’ll leave the apartment looking like this for a few days and cherish the new memories to be made with the kids. AKA divorce speak…looking for positives in a bleak situation…not using specifics but wanting to be heard. I filed it away and mentioned to another friend that I thought someone I knew from college was getting or just gotten divorced and then I didn’t really think about it…until…the Pittsburgh Steelers made the Playoffs. And that starts the most unexpected adventure in my life story…

January 10, 2022 it’s 1:52 in the morning and my Facebook messenger pings…with the following message…Shall we make a friendly wager on the game Sunday?😀 and I’m like…what are you thinking…and he says…Dinner and a movie…seriously you decide. And I’m like…I don’t make good decisions at 2:00 in the morning…and I will get back to you later…

This began a new chapter in my life. We started chatting…first through Facebook messenger…then we exchanged phone numbers and texted and then finally we started talking on the phone. He would message and check in on me…if I posted about a sick kid he would ask about them, he wanted to know what was happening in my life and cared about the little things…things he didn’t have to care about. I started getting Good Morning texts and looking forward to our conversations at night after a long day of work…and getting to chat little bits throughout the day as we shared something funny or meaningful. I got flowers for Valentine’s Day…not expected just sent and it was as if a part of my heart was changing…I sent him BBQ on his birthday and we started thinking maybe this reconnection was something bigger than either of us expected. We have named our relationship Whatever This Is…because we weren’t looking for each other…two old friends who went to Bible College together and played way too much ROOK. I can’t be falling for him…this is impossible…why us, why now?

Fast forward to just past the one year mark…we have seen each other in person, we visit each other as often as we can…we talk multiple times daily and the running total for hours spent on the phone is around 35-50 per month. We text back and forth and carry on conversations on 4 different social media platforms. We know each other so well we can tell if the other is having a struggle based on tone of voice, memes sent or just general attitudes. It’s good, it’s healthy, it’s right…we help each other…we support each other. We pray for each other, we encourage each other to grow in our personal and spiritual lives. There is a sense that we are a team…just separated by distance but we have each other’s back. We are friends first and the romance has blossomed and grown. The love we have for each other is so much sweeter than we ever could have expected because of the challenges and struggles we have each faced as we journeyed to this period of time.

So at the 1 year, 1 Month 1 day mark he asked me if I would be willing to jump into the mix with him, to face the struggles that a large blended family brings…he has kids, I have kids…and see what the future holds. He loves me, I love him…so I said YES! Yes, lets take WHATEVER THIS IS…to the next level and see what else God has in store for us.

45

~ elj377 ~ Leave a comment

Today is my birthday. I am 45 years old today.

45 seems so old, like I should be full of great wisdom and have a deep understanding of what life should be full of and a feeling of great accomplishment for all that I’ve learned. In the past when life spans were much shorter I would be probably be a grandparent and be considered one of the older generation in my community. But times have have changed and I’m now smack dab in the middle of life…and my 3rd child has reminded me that I am halfway to 90~!

So what does 45 look like as I analyze my life? In many ways 45 feels a lot like my 20’s. I’m in a period of change. I married young and was married for 21 years and now I’m not married anymore. I skipped the period of life when many figure out who they are as people, who embrace life as a singleton. I married at 22 and by the time I was 25 I had 2 small children so that period of time was filled with learning to be a mom, trying to be a loving and supportive wife, and I made lots of mistakes and grew up quickly in my 20’s. On the flip side here I am in my mid 40’s and I am figuring out how to be single again, to navigate parenting children with high medical needs and special needs as a Lone parent and I continue to juggle the needs of the many against the needs of the few. Add in adult children going through situations that are strangely parallel to my life and it has a weird Twilight Zone episode feeling.

45 seems like such a big number and it is…it’s longer than the the Israelites wandered in the desert. It’s a significant milestone on the road to 50 years married but its still weirdly young. I feel like I’m still growing and changing and blossoming. 45 is a period of new growth and a re-blooming if you will. The dead branches, the hurt areas, and the wounded parts of my life are getting pruned off and healing and I’m seeing new growth. Parts of my spirit and personality which I made small are being allowed to come out and shine. I’m rediscovering things I enjoy and not having to fit my square peg into a round hole is so freeing and scary at the same time. I’m learning what makes me tick and why I define things the way I do. I am recognizing that my VALUE and WORTH are not based on anything or anyone…I don’t have to do and be more than I am to be appreciated and valued. I am who God created me to be and I need to be just who I am and bring Glory and Honor to God. Its my responsibility to nurture and love my children, to grow and develop, to seek and learn and so…

45…lets do this…here we go…

Large Gap Parenting in Action

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We have 4 kids…who attend 4 different schools.  Crazy huh!

Today was a day where I am feeling the pull of the different ages and stages of kids and the stuff that goes with each of them.

The Firstborn is a Senior and attends our Local High School.  Currently the extra curricular activities the firstborn is doing are Theatre, Scholar Bowl and Service Learning.  Today was a Scholar Bowl day and so we needed a ride at near 5.

The Freshman is attending the local Middle School Freshmen Center and fortunately for me today he is not involved in anything happening and is available to help around the house with the littles.

The 6 year old attends the elementary school nearest us and it’s been a fun Spirit Week for him so this morning we had to find pennies so that he could wear PJ’s to school today.  Then his school had a fundraiser at the local Culver’s so we had a mommy date to go and get ice cream.  He enjoyed the one on one time and I tried so hard to make it home before dinner was done cooking…but fortunately I have the big kids to get stuff out and make sure nothing burns.  We enjoyed some quality one on one time and I had dessert before dinner…

The toddler had a Mommy day today.  I was off for probably the last Thursday for awhile as my work schedule will be changing.  He and I had fun playing cars, reading books, watching TV and enjoying hanging out together.  He didn’t nap super great today so he has an earlier bedtime tonight but we had good time together today.

Finally the Firstborn is working on getting healthier and eating better.  She wants to go to the gym tonight and as I have the membership with guest passes she and I will be heading out soon.

The needs of the many and finding balance with the needs of the few.  The kiddos being the many and mom being the few!  It’s a juggling act sometimes but we make it work to the best of our abilities.  It’s hard and rewarding all at the same time and I am grateful that I am able to accomplish as much as I can.  The goal this year is to be Purposeful and I feel like I may have accomplished a little of this today as I tried to meet the needs of each of my awesome kids.

Do It Anyway

~ elj377 ~ Leave a comment

Ever have a day where you feel like nothing goes the way you think it should?

Yeah…that’s where I am today and I’m not going to whine and go into the details of what made today bad or stir up dirt or throw mud…that’s counterproductive.

However, I’ve been thinking a lot about something that our Pastor said this morning in his sermon.  He shared the verse that was his focus last year and then shared what his verse for this year is going to be.  It’s a good one and I would like to share it with others.

Galatians 6:9-10 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people especially those who belong to the family of believers.”

Then he shared 3 goals for himself taken from these verses:

  • Never get tired of doing good
  • you will Reap a Harvest-if you do not give up
  • Do good every chance you get

Kinda hits you between the eyes…it’s not do good if everyone is being nice and happy.  It’s not do good if you feel good and are in a good frame of mind.  It’s not do good because then maybe someone will do something nice for you.  It’s Do GOOD every chance you get.

I translated that for me as DO IT ANYWAY…some ways I’ve thought about working on this today in conjunction with my goal of being Purposeful.

  • The kids are being crazy and acting ridiculous…don’t freak out, ask nicely to have them change or maybe join in the fun…Do good.
  • The house is a mess, full of items you didn’t get out and crumbs falling from the ceiling…clean up the mess…Do IT ANYWAY..even if you don’t want too.
  • Work is hard, your boss is being demanding and you really don’t want to cooperate with a kind spirit…take a deep breath, focus on the good and DO IT ANYWAY…as an act of service…do it for God instead of your boss.
  • Your spouse and you get into a fight over little things and it escalates into the end of the world…take a step back, change your focus and forgive…DO IT ANYWAY…whether you feel like you want to or not…

Now I’m not saying that I’ve got this whole thing figured out…but I’m reminding myself tonight…Do Good to others….treat others with respect, love and understanding.  Don’t let your hurt feelings or sadness get in the way of being a blessing to someone else.  Take the focus off of the pain you feel and look for something good in the midst of it all.

For me today that meant I swept, mopped and attacked my kitchen floor…I was angry and hurt and used that to accomplish something good for my house.  The kitchen floor was super bad…and now it’s shiny and nice…and I feel like I’ve accomplished something…and it feels good.  I’m glad I took the time to DO IT ANYWAY…instead of wallowing and festering and ignoring something.

How about you?? What way’s can you DO IT ANYWAY and DO GOOD?

 

 

A New Year Ahead

~ elj377 ~ 2 Comments

2018….can you believe it’s 2018?

I’m still wrapping my mind around the fact that it’s 2018…seems like it was just yesterday when we were welcoming in the year 2000.  18 years have gone by in a blink and yet so much has happened in those 18 years.

That’s how life is…the moments seem so long but the years are so fast.  That’s where I am in my mothering.  Honestly I can’t believe where I am in the mothering process.  We have 4 kids.  Our oldest will turn 18 this year!  Graduating from High School in 5 months and 8 days! The countdown is on and I’m not ready to be the mother of a college student…I’m not…Senior year is half over and I am missing the days of 3rd and 4th grade with projects, silliness and a different life.  My next born is 15 this year and will turn 16 by the end of 2018…that means driving a car is in the near future.  I don’t like that idea…where’s my dude learning to ride a bike and a scooter…nervous about elementary school…not a Freshman is high school…taking Driver’s Ed this summer and making me develop gray hairs…not possible he’s that old.  The third one…turns 7 this year.  He’s learning to read and write complete sentences and asks more questions that I can imagine…and time isn’t moving as fast for me with him.   I think that the younger the child and the harder you have to work at the parenting of them that the days and hours and minutes seem so long…and yet I know I will blink in a few years and he will be 10 or 11 and entering the tween years.  Finally there is the youngest…he’s going to be 2 this year…and honestly he exhausts me the most.  He’s in that busy phase of life where he has to be involved in everything and he needs to be held and he’s not talking yet and there are tears…so many tears…and sometimes I cry as well because I feel like I’m going to break from the stress of everything…because the toddler years are hard.  They are full of spilled milk, runny noses, poopy diapers and tantrums.  They are also a lot of fun as you see new skills emerge and they smile at the silliest things and they still think you hung the moon.

It’s a process… I’m in the middle of the trenches and there is so much fun, laughter, tears, heartaches, frustrations and feelings of being overwhelmed.  To be honest I feel like I have screwed everything up most of the time and I don’t know why I get to be their mom.  I haven’t found many parenting books that cover both the teenage years and toddlerdom at the same time…honestly I wing it most of the time and I fail a lot.

So a new year looms…and I’ve been thinking and contemplating and getting my mind into a place of change.  I’m picking a word for me to claim this year.  I’ve done this in previous years and while I’ve not been great with it I did find it helpful to help me focus.

My word for 2018 is PURPOSEFUL…I am going to be involved and have a purpose behind what I do.  To have a purpose means that you have a goal in mind and you strive to find ways to meet that goal.  That’s my focus.  Set a goal, work that goal, conquer the goal.

Areas for me to be PURPOSEFUL…

Exercise…I will schedule time to exercise at least 4 times a week…whether I go to the gym, do some yoga at home, play at the park, take a walk….we will purpose to do exercise. I can’t let the excuse of work or other things keep me from exercise.  I only have one body and I need it to be strong and healthy.

God’s Word…I struggle with my Bible time.  I love the Lord with all my heart but I find myself struggling to find time to get into the Bible.  So far I have found 2 challenges…one on Facebook and one for me to apply the Bible Study method that my Pastor has taught us that I find helpful.

Experiences…I want my family to have purposeful experiences every month.  This may be time one on one with the teenagers, it might be a family activity, it might be cooking a special meal for them…I want them to look back and have experiences that they can remember of fun times with the family. I also need to connect with the hubby…he’s important and our time together needs to be quality time.

Eating and Drinking…I need to eat more Vegetables and Fruits…I’m a meat and potatoes girl and I love Dr. Pepper too much.  I need to be purposeful in drinking an appropriate amount of water and eating foods that will give me the fuel I need to help me navigate this life I live and we are busy and I am very content with fast and easy foods.

Housekeeping…let me tell you right now…I’m a horrible house keeper and my house is an obstacle course most of the time. I suffer continuously with CHAOS(Can’t have anyone over syndrome).  I blame the kids but honestly I don’t make them do enough and the house suffers and it’s stressful.  I am going to be purposeful in improving my habits so that our home is a comforting retreat and not another battlefield.

So what’s your word for 2018…what goals have you set for yourself?  I would love to chat and connect and be a part of each other’s lives as we take on this year of 2018.