Four years ago my life as I had known it stopped.

Four years ago I screamed words I never thought would come out of my mouth.

Four years ago I chose me and my kids over the ideals and principles that I had been raised to Revere.

Four years ago I jumped into the unknown after 21 years of living a certain way of life.

And I’m better for it.

But there are memories trapped in my body. And my body remembers….and it challenges my spirit.

Do I regret the changes…no

Do I appreciate where I currently am in my life…yes

Do I want to go back to the way it used to be….absolutely not!

But there are days when I can’t explain why I feel off or am struggling extra and today is one of those days and then when I fully process what is happening I remember that it’s a date where something significant happened…and I have an AHA! moment. Trauma bonding is real, toxicity is a thing and when you come out of it and realize the dramatic changes you are so grateful for the healing and changes. But your body remembers and it can take a longer period of time than you expect for your body to fully release the negative and toxic emotions associated with past trauma.

All in all…I’m thankful for the past 4 years…and I am thankful for the life I live and the amazing changes that have happened.