Something I’m learning through my healing and journey of rediscovering who I am is the idea of giving myself GRACE…

I grew up with the self imposed idea that woman can do everything, be everything and accomplish whatever they put their mind to…and yes I am capable and able to do a lot but I am not Wonder Woman and I have limits that I am starting to recognize and embrace. 

I’m a high energy take charge type of person and I will make a to do list that is longer than it should be and then I feel defeated if I don’t accomplish everything on the list…even if it’s not realistic. So to give myself Grace…I make a list of the things I want to accomplish over 5-7 days and it’s much more manageable.

In my first marriage I felt that if I didn’t accomplish a goal or make progress on stuff then I was failing and looking like I was being lazy…and in the process I worked myself up and was always wound up so that I would almost tick…and I was married to someone who saw all the things I didn’t do rather than the stuff I accomplished. My new husband sees the effort and appreciates that I have obstacles or challenges with kids in the house and sees the little things I do…and it makes me feel appreciated and loved…he also comments on things that I see as no big deal and it makes me appreciate that my efforts are seen.

Today is a gloomy and rainy day. It’s chilly, there is a darkness and this leads to wanting to hibernate…and so I kinda am. I’m accomplishing chores and tasks but I’m not killing myself to get stuff done…if I want to write, or read, or watch a documentary I am giving myself the time and space to do that. The me of the past would be beating herself up right now…giving me a guilt trip for not being extra productive…to be conquering the new year…kicking down doors and taking names on some resolutions…and I’m not her…at least not today.

So I’m learning that trying to do it all, accomplish everything and wearing myself out in the process is counter productive. We live a busy life with a lot of people and if I need a break I should take it…I’m not being lazy if I only get 6 things on a list of 12 things…but rather I’m done with half of them and I will have more time tomorrow. 

I read an article about explaining to kiddos the difference between “Maintenance” and Chores. Maintenance is doing the little tasks that need to be accomplished in a day and a chore is something that you put gloves on or get out major tools and items to accomplish. Maintenance needs to be done daily but some chores can wait…and that’s where I am today…I’m doing those Maintenance items that need to be accomplished but the major chores can wait…and that’s okay. This article was very eye opening to me as I tend to lump everything together and then feel like I’m not doing enough because I only did the maintenance items…but the maintenance items are important and keep our household running.  

I’ve also learned that doing things that matter and bring me joy or solace is as important as accomplishing a to do list and it’s okay to take time for things that are not “important”. I’m giving myself Grace and learning to be more comfortable and okay with not being perfect or some fake constructed idea of how things have to be…it’s a learning curve and journey but one I’m learning day by day.