2023 is here…January

New Years is always a time of reflection for me. A look back at the last year and a checklist of sorts…did I do a good job, am I moving forward, what positives do I want to take with me into the next year, what things do I want to change. Last year I felt like my checklist was a list of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. 2020 was a very hard year and 2021 was a year of radical life changes, 2022 was a year of unexpected and good things…so what will 2023 hold for me, for my kids and for our future?

2022 was a year where I started to like myself again. I feel like I had gotten lost through the journey of having a very difficult marriage and kids of multiple ages and stages. I wanted to be so good and appreciated that I contorted and twisted myself into something that I am not so that I could potentially make people happy and like me. And it didn’t work…there was always something more I needed to do or be and I could never, ever meet the expectation of that person because I wasn’t being myself I was being a shadow or a cutout of the person I am and should be. I have discovered that when I let myself be who God intended me to be and I don’t try to fit the unrealistic molds of others I have Freedom. Freedom to be me, freedom to show love, freedom to be loud, freedom to share and nurture in the process to grow and change and mature. I still feel the weight of expectation and push myself to be the best but instead of feeling like I am drowning from the weight of it all I am using it as a buoy or motor to push myself ahead.

2022 was a year of doing things for ME…I’ve been a Mom for 22 years and in that time I have rarely made time for ME. I put my kids and their needs ahead of mine so often and I feel guilty when I do things that are good for me first. I’m learning that I can’t pour and fill up others if my cup is empty. So I am learning and doing things that are good for ME. Taking time off from Motherhood and just being me again. I traveled this year…left the country and recharged my batteries. I’ve hired friends to watch my kids so I can take weekends off and go places, and I am stepping up more and demanding that the person I co-parent with to step up and do more so that I can recharge and relax and not have to be “on” all the time. I’m tired of living a small life and I want to do things and go places and have more experiences. I want less stuff and want to be present and experience things and have fun.

2022 was a year of unexpected and yet amazing re-connection. God has brought someone back into my life. A person that I didn’t see coming…was not on my radar at all. But this re-connection has become one of the most important and favorite parts of my life. I think it’s funny that when you give up control of a situation and stop looking or thinking about something God has a way of saying…okay, now you are ready…I’m going to do something good for you…but it’s not going to be what you think it’s going to be, it’s going to come with a whole lot of issues and logistics but I got you child…I’m doing something for your Good…you just have to Trust me.

So 2023…here we are…with 365 days to fill and experience and use to help me grow, mature and change. I’m excited to see what God will do in my life and the life of my kids. The big kids have big things looming on the horizon and as a Mom I am both excited for them and a little bit scared. My younger boys are continuing to challenge me to be the best Mom I can be and I am trying to fill their lives with new and good things. There will be struggles…we have Autism and Diabetes and some hurdles that will need to be considered and jumped over. There may be big changes…I don’t know yet. But I am confident that God is in Control and if I am trusting and seeking His will for me that I will see what unfolds in the coming year. So here’s to a New Year…lets see what will happen.