It’s been a few months of healing, growing and changing.

Ecclesiates 3 keeps coming to my mind…the cycle of time. A time to be born, a time to die…a time to plant, a time to harvest…a time of joy, a time of sorrow. The song Turn, Turn Turn…is playing on my Echo in my kitchen and I’m pondering. I have the passage from Ecclesiastes on the wall in my kitchen and I read it frequently. There is a time for everything under Heaven…and God is in control of all things.

We are back in the Holiday season. It’s Christmas again and once again I am struggling to figure it all out. This time it’s not full of melancholy but of feeling like there may be new and different things on the Horizon…and it’s a little scary. At the same time there is a feeling of lack of purpose…my kids have gotten sick over the last two weeks and I have not been able to go in to work as I have been sick and or taking care of a sick child. I enjoy my job and find a lot of my purpose and fulfillment in doing a good job and so I am struggling with my feelings of being good enough or being valuable as I am basically forced to be at home doing less than I normally do. So I’m worrying about my status at work, whether I am being missed or not, and basically just wishing that the structure and routine of life would return. I have my patterns and I like them. Yes, they make me tired and frustrated but without them I feel like I am floundering. But I have to put my kids first and make sure that they are taken care of and so I will stay home with them and let them get well. I’m not a nurse or good with illness so I am definitely feeling like I am off my A game.

I took this picture this week…a rotting pumpkin sitting next to my Christmas tree…and it makes me think. I’m like this rotting pumpkin…if I’m not careful…watching and sitting and turning inward on myself…but what’s hidden inside that pumpkin is seeds…that when planted will grow into a vine and produce additional pumpkins. It does little good to be all wrapped up inside myself and hiding from the world. Do I need to stay home? Yes…my kiddos are sick. Did I plan this to make everyone’s life harder and more frustrating? Of course not…if anything I am the one who is the most frustrated by this situation. Am I learning and growing from this situation?…yes…with difficulty and a little bit of frustration but yes I am growing and learning. Do I need to wallow and whine? No, I need to find projects and opportunities to serve my family while I am not able to go to work…and let the other side take care of itself. I need to trust and not worry.

Seasons are important…I think that’s why God created them. He brings different things into our life at different times so that we can grow, learn, mature, and change. He uses the Seasons to bring periods of rest into our lives and allow us to recharge and adapt. He brings people in and out of lives in ways we don’t expect or see coming but in ways that allow us to learn, grow, support, encourage and thrive.