I am an achiever…I like to be seen as being good at something or to excel at things. I like to be busy, I like to accomplish things, I like the feeling of satisfaction that comes with a job well done. I also like PRAISE…my 2 ways people can show me love is by words of affirmation and acts of service. These are about 50/50…I like to do things and accomplish things but when I am overwhelmed or busy I like when people step in and help me and I like it when I do something that people tell me I have done a good job. When people appreciate my efforts and tell me it makes me feel loved, wanted and worthy.

I was married to someone who didn’t fully understand or care about my love language. He thought he did…but he truly didn’t. Toward the end of my marriage I was met with the following phrase…multiple times a day and week…”thank you, love you, appreciate you.” The same phrase over and over…with very little emotion, no specifics and no real feeling put into it. Just the phrase..over and over, as if to say “here…this should make everything okay.” It was said so often and so generally that by the end of my marriage it became a bone of contention for me…salt in the wound or lemon juice in a paper cut. Thank you for what…making dinner, taking care of the kids, helping you with a project, cleaning the bathroom…what are you grateful that I did for you…if he had just said..thanks for the delicious dinner or for the effort you put into this project I would have felt much more loved and appreciated. Appreciation needs specificity…what are you being appreciated for? It’s nice to say you appreciate something but specifics go a long way in helping the situation.

I internalized this phrase of his…and started to judge my worth and value based on his reactions. He made me small in so many ways and I believed him. I believed that his little breadcrumbs and occasional acts of service were all that I deserved. All that I was good enough for…and that’s a LIE…I am worth so much more than that.

I am the Mother of 4 children…ages 21, 19, 11, and 5….large gap parenting is extra challenging. You have adult sized problems and loose teeth at the same time. I have paid for college tuition and a box of diapers in the same week…this is not typical mothering it’s hard core/ never stop mothering. From the time my oldest was born to the day my youngest will be done with High School I will have been mothering non stop for 34 years…I’m not the only mother who has had this situation but in this modern age it is very atypical…and I am a good mother. I am enough at being my kids mom.

I have children with Special Needs and Medical issues…my 11 year old has Type 1 Diabetes and my youngest has Autism. They struggle with things that I can’t control in the way I would like. There are days when I struggle with getting out of bed because of issues in the middle of the night…there are pump changes, sensor changes, making sure that we have enough supplies and insulin. There is vomiting, struggles with Highs and Lows and always having to be on alert for an emergency situation. There are temper tantrums and being overwhelmed and screaming and struggling with emotional control. There are days when I want to run away and hide and just want someone to step into the situation and help me take control. There are days when I take pictures and shake my head so I can remember down the road just how far we have come on our journey but it is exhausting and yet…I am enough…I can learn and grow and meet these challenges.

I am Single…I sleep alone…I control my bills and finances…I juggle my schedule and yet I am ENOUGH…I can accomplish these things and while I may not know how to do everything that I would like to by myself I have resources and ability to find people to help make my life easier.

I am ENOUGH… I am capable, strong, gifted, talented and so much bigger than the box that I was trying so desperately to fit inside…I’m loud, energetic and enthusiastic. I’m loved and adored by my children and the children in my classroom. I have people in my life who want to be with me…who pray for me and my kids and love us…not because we do things for them but because we are people who are worthy of being seen and known.

I am ENOUGH…I have a big God on my side who knows my innermost parts and sees me for who I am.

I am ENOUGH…no matter if I am married or single…I’m a capable woman who is so much more than I thought I was.

I am ENOUGH…and that is Enough for me…and I’m grateful that I see that now.