aka…what I am feeling as I am now the only everyday parent to 2 boys with lots of challenges and needs…

I’m currently sitting in my kitchen on a work day. I don’t usually sit in my kitchen on a work day…I’m supposed to be at work. I was at work…and then I got the text on my phone that my child is sick. I hate those phone calls. So I let my boss know…and today its okay…they can get me out of my room easily and can figure out how to cover everything…that’s not always the case.

I’ve been thinking about the parenting dynamic of my life recently. Yes, I am a single Mom…have been since September 2020..I am the custodial parent…have been since the end of March 2021…but in reality I have been the LONE parent for the majority of my children’s lives…and I have been a parent for 21 years.

What does it mean to be the LONE parent? It means that I am the one who takes care and figures everything out in relation to the children. I am the one who has gone to every doctor’s appointment, every parent teacher conference, every meeting, every activity everything that I can possibly and physically make. Where is the other parent? Well, he comes when it suits him, when he can’t use something else as an excuse, when he’s well rested and not overly tired, or when his not coming and helping makes him look bad. I am fine with excusing things when you have scheduled things at work, when there is a genuine schedule conflict but there are times when you need to be much more available and step in and help.

I hate that I have to figure out everything…

I hate the thought that I can just let him know what’s going on instead of him taking an active interest in things.

I hate that there is always and excuse or reason for him to yet again not step up and help.

I’m tired of being told how HARD his visits are and that 3 hours is just a long time.

I’m tired of him not caring how HARD mothering HIS children is on ME.

These kids are 50% his DNA…he’s their dad. I didn’t make them myself…and they are boys so that is not in my genetic ability…and yet I am their safe place. I am their caregiver, I am the one they want to be around and who they look for when they are struggling and sad.

I hate the assumption that I will do it better because he doesn’t want or need to do more as long as he covers their medical costs(which are significant) and child support.

I hate the fact that he thinks that 3 hours every other weekend is giving me “a break”.

I HATE being the Lone parent…I would much rather Co-Parent…but right now…I don’t have that option.

However being a Lone Parent doesn’t mean that I am ALONE…

I am grateful for encouragement from others as I walk along this journey.

I am thankful for cards and notes from people who want to support me in tangible ways.

I am grateful for people who listen and encourage and give me hugs and tell me that they love me.

I am appreciative of those who step in and meet me where I am.

And I have a BIG GOD on my side who help to bear my burden and brings me encouragement and love. You never know how Strong you are until that is the only thing you have to be.