It’s 4 am and I’m awake…

I should be sleeping.

It’s 4 am and I am awake…I’m awake because of the stupid disease that affects my son. Type 1 Diabetes doesn’t have a time table. Alerts wake me up at night and it’s hard to go back to sleep.

It’s 4 am and I’m awake…I’m awake because autism effects sleep and little boys need their Mama’s in the middle of the night and Mom’s wake up and comfort and provide and then you can’t go back to sleep.

It’s 4 am and I’m awake…I’m awake because I can’t turn off my brain…I continue to wrap my mind around so many things…some good, some bad, some needed, some not needed, some wanted, some unsure.

It’s 4 am and I’m awake…I want to sleep…I need to sleep…I’m so tired.

I’m tired from doing everything that I have to do because it’s just me.

I’m tired because I’m divorced and single and I have to shoulder my load and figure out how to fit all the pieces that could be carried by another into my schedule and make it all happen.

I’m tired because I have small children and I work with small children and everyone has needs.

I’m tired because not all of my needs are getting met because there are only so many hours in the day and sometimes you have to push things to the side because there just isn’t time.

I’m tired because I’m wound of up so tight that it’s impossible to relax at times.

I’m tired because I overthink…because in the past if I didn’t and something happened the wrong way I would be scrambling and now I don’t know how to not overthink even when I don’t want to be overthinking…

I’m tired…and It’s 4 am…and I’m awake.