It’s the first day of a New Year…January 1.
The world has been in a pandemic for almost 2 years…COVID-19…there have been lockdowns, there have been essential workers, there was no school for too long, there is nothing that feels “normal” and we wear a mask more places than I like and there is a lot of division about so many things.
The world feels like a tinderbox…like we are pouring gasoline on dry material and at any moment the match will be struck…I’ve lived this for a lot of my adult life…when my marriage was good it was good…but when we were struggling(which happened a lot)it felt like the tinderbox…I struck the match in 2020 and my whole world seemed to burn down…
There is a shift though…a change as it were…I’m not in the same place I once was…there’s been a shift…
A shift in my perspective…I’ve been a single mom for most of the years of my mothering…my former spouse is a dad when he wants to be or it suits him…he’s not particularly hands on and finds the extra stuff with kids to not be his favorite…so I’ve done the majority of the parenting for my kids life…so nothing has really changed when it comes to my mothering…but I’m learning to be more at peace with the choices and experiences that the kids and I have together.
A shift in my priorities…I’m learning to not always put myself last…sometimes I have to be first…selfish huh…but when I constantly put myself last I find myself empty and spent…so I’m learning to take care of my needs before my kids sometimes when it’s needed. On an airplane they say to put on your oxygen mask first and then the kids…I have to do that with more areas of my life.
A shift in my thinking…I’ve been blaming myself for all the problems and challenges of my past relationship. However I forgot that I was one half of the marriage…I can work on me as much as I am able and try and change and be more but when your partner doesn’t think they need to change or adapt or that they could be part of the problem…you end up with a whole lot of hurt, mountains of resentment and a stressed out individual. I’m learning to be done with shouldering the blame for what is happening in my family…especially if I’m not the issue or problem.
A shift in my mothering…I’m learning that sometimes I have to do what is best for my kids and me because I’m the one who is living my life…not my parents, not my former spouse, not my friends…Me…so if I do things that work for us and it doesn’t make a lot of sense to others than that’s okay…I’m not living the life of others and they are not living my life…I’m sorry if you think it not’s right…you don’t live here…and if you want to come and try and “fix” my life then you are welcome to try but I know myself and my kids best so it may be best just to do it our way!
A shift in my attitudes about myself…I’m done being treated as someone who is less than I am…for too long I listened to someone who forgot about the amazing things I do and the amazing person I am and saw only the things that made me less…instead I need to see myself how God sees me…as someone to be cherished, who is special, unique, and talented in ways that make me who I am. I’m learning that I am a pretty great person and I don’t have to prove my worth to anyone else but see myself how God sees me…a creation of His who is worthy love and good things.
thiswannabewonderwoman 