I’m a very empathetic person.

I feel things deeply

I feel for others deeply

I cry over book characters, movie characters and hard situations.

My heart swells when something good happens for someone else

I feel their grief and sorrow when they are sad.

I Love Big…I have a big personality and I feel things Big, I’m loud, I’m exuberant I’m Big.

I’m a Big personality dealing with a BIG Holiday!!!

CHRISTMAS…CHRISTMAS….CHRISTMAS…CHRISTMAS

The effort for Christmas this year is extra hard due to my empathy.

The lack of effort by others, the lack of effort put into simple things and the amount of excuses as to why that effort is missing is making my empathy trigger.

I feel sorry for them…I shouldn’t but I do.

I feel if I had not spoken up for myself when I did that it wouldn’t be an issue and all would be well this Christmas and things would be as they SHOULD be….

But the Should be is a smokescreen.

My empathy and soul was being crushed in the relationship and I was getting lost.

I spent so much time trying to be better and never measuring up enough that I fell into a pit of despair.

I was broken in my soul, beaten up in my emotions and feeling like I was rotting from the inside out.

I could only see the negative…I don’t like the negative…I like to be positive.

I was pushing the snowball to the top of the mountain and the path only was getting longer, the ball was getting heavier and the mountain was getting steeper.

I let go…and here we are…

The effort is different, the effort for me outside of one relationship is easier…the guilt and pain are becoming less…

I’m seeing the good again

I’m feeling things I should feel again

There is a brighter side to things and things are being accomplished.

Its Hard…so Hard sometimes…but its the good kind of hard…not the despair kind. There is a positive side to the hard.

But CHRISTMAS….CHRISTMAS…CHRISTMAS!!!!

The empathy and effort of Christmas is challenging…worthwhile but challenging.