“Christmastime is Here…time for joy and cheer…” Remember the Peanuts Christmas special…this is the theme song but it’s not full of joy and praise…its in a minor key and sounds sad.

I’m feeling a little bit like this song today…full of melancholy.

I want to be joyful this Christmas…I do.

I’ve gotten all but 3 things bought…they are planned just not purchased.

I’m wearing Christmas clothes and my holiday fun stuff.

My house is decorated and pretty and I’m enjoying the decorations.

I have plans to bake and make all the things that I remember from Christmas growing up and trying to build special memories with my kids.

But I’m also feeling sad.

I’m sad that the things WE used to do all together are now divided between him and me.

I’m sad that I don’t have a husband to shop for and try to come up with something that he would like or appreciate…he was really hard to shop for…

I’m not sure what I even want to be gifted and there isn’t the anticipation of him remembering something I may have mentioned and surprising me or the gift of someone knowing you well and finding the perfect thing.

So I’m looking for the JOY…embracing the sad…and sitting with the Melancholy of it all…and I may watch a Peanuts Christmas and commiserate with Charlie Brown.