Month: November 2021

Avoiding Yet Conquering

~ elj377 ~ Leave a comment

I got frustrated today.

I was asked to do something that will be a benefit to me but I don’t want to do it.

I’m tired of being the go to person for so many things.

It’s like the passing of the buck…sorry I’m not Harry Truman and I don’t think that the Buck stops Here.

So I took that ball of frustration, that piece of sourness that spoils the milk, the pit in your stomach that makes you want to cry and I challenged myself to do something productive but not the thing that I was asked to do.

I cleaned part of the basement, I organized a few things, got rid of several bags of trash and walked away feeling a sense of accomplishment.

So I’m avoiding the thing I don’t want to do by conquering something I’ve been putting off..

I think it’s a win right??

Hard

~ elj377 ~ Leave a comment

I’m currently sitting on my couch in my living room contemplating life.

I brought up the boxes of Christmas decorations this morning…they are still sitting by the front door.

I brought up the Christmas tree too…it’s still in its bag sitting by the stairs.

The 5 year old is eyeing my vacuum cleaner and freaking out because he doesn’t like it.

The 19 year old has left for an extra shift of mandatory overtime and he’s angry that he has to go tonight.

The 10 year old is hanging out in his room and has had blood sugars all over the place today.

The college kid went back to college this morning and has so much on their plate even I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

Life is Hard…Single Parenting this brood is Hard.

Autism, diabetes, young adult guiding all take a lot out of a person on a one on one basis and I’m dealing with it all.

I want to decorate and get ready for Christmas…I want to find Joy and Hope and Peace and see the Christ child for who He is and be grateful for the gift of Jesus…but tonight…tonight it’s hard…hard to get off the couch.

It’s hard to see past the little for the bigger picture…it’s hard to know how to guide my young adults to be the people they need to be. It’s hard to deal with the craziness that is autism and the hundreds of little decisions that have to be made daily to deal with diabetes.

It’s hard knowing that I go back to work tomorrow and I will need to pour into the 8 little people in my class love and kindness and fun…it’s time well spent but it’s Hard.

However I’m thankful for the Hard.

I’m thankful that I have been gifted these 4 people to guide and love and help to grow…they all deal with their individual stuff and I am part of it…I’m a sounding board for my oldest, I’m a hug and a meal for the 19 year old, I help keep the 10 year old alive and I get the best hugs from the 5 year old.

I’m blessed to have worked at a school for 10 years where I am seen as someone who has good ideas who treats children well and is equipped to lead a classroom through the challenges of the toddler years.

I have more than I need and I am grateful for a roof over my head, a good job and resources to get my boys the therapies and tools to make their lives better and richer.

In so many ways I’m a blessed lady…so I am thankful for the Hard. I’m thankful for the strength and forgiveness of Christ and I’m being made perfect as I give my children back to Him and trust that He will guide and help them.