I was married for 21 years…and now I’m not married anymore.

I’m not married anymore…that’s a hard statement.

I’ve been defined for 21 in a certain role…wife…I’m not a wife anymore. I’m a once married person, I’m single, I’m divorced.

Divorced…that’s a word I never thought I would be.

Divorced is a dirty word in my culture…good Christian’s don’t get divorced. We say till death do us part so if the other person is not dead then we are a failure or a sinner of high order.

I’m Divorced.

Divorce was not on my radar until it was the only thing on my radar. I didn’t wake up one morning and want to end my marriage. Instead I was going along like I always did until something snapped and in the middle of a fight I said I can’t do this anymore I want a Divorce.

And he said OK

He printed the paperwork, decided what needed to be done and things were put in motion in a short time period before I could even wrap my mind around what I had said.

There was fear and there still is fear.

There was anger and there still is anger.

There is disbelief and shock…and those feelings still remain.

The process is done…it has been done since the end of March.

Change is happening…the house is now just mine…the kids are with me the most…I sleep alone.

I’m more at peace, I’m learning who I am and I’m not feeling as negative as I once did.

I’m finding my Happy…I’m learning what I need…I’m finding out who I am as just me.

Who am I? I’m a Mom…I’m a friend…I’m a teacher…I’m a dreamer…I’m a helper…I’m a daughter…I’m a child…I’m a learner…I’m a much loved Child of God.

I can be strong alone.

I can be vulnerable.

I can make things work

I can figure things out

I am who I am and God love me for who I am and I will be okay…

But I am not who I was 21 years ago…I’m different.