Month: January 2018

Large Gap Parenting in Action

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We have 4 kids…who attend 4 different schools.  Crazy huh!

Today was a day where I am feeling the pull of the different ages and stages of kids and the stuff that goes with each of them.

The Firstborn is a Senior and attends our Local High School.  Currently the extra curricular activities the firstborn is doing are Theatre, Scholar Bowl and Service Learning.  Today was a Scholar Bowl day and so we needed a ride at near 5.

The Freshman is attending the local Middle School Freshmen Center and fortunately for me today he is not involved in anything happening and is available to help around the house with the littles.

The 6 year old attends the elementary school nearest us and it’s been a fun Spirit Week for him so this morning we had to find pennies so that he could wear PJ’s to school today.  Then his school had a fundraiser at the local Culver’s so we had a mommy date to go and get ice cream.  He enjoyed the one on one time and I tried so hard to make it home before dinner was done cooking…but fortunately I have the big kids to get stuff out and make sure nothing burns.  We enjoyed some quality one on one time and I had dessert before dinner…

The toddler had a Mommy day today.  I was off for probably the last Thursday for awhile as my work schedule will be changing.  He and I had fun playing cars, reading books, watching TV and enjoying hanging out together.  He didn’t nap super great today so he has an earlier bedtime tonight but we had good time together today.

Finally the Firstborn is working on getting healthier and eating better.  She wants to go to the gym tonight and as I have the membership with guest passes she and I will be heading out soon.

The needs of the many and finding balance with the needs of the few.  The kiddos being the many and mom being the few!  It’s a juggling act sometimes but we make it work to the best of our abilities.  It’s hard and rewarding all at the same time and I am grateful that I am able to accomplish as much as I can.  The goal this year is to be Purposeful and I feel like I may have accomplished a little of this today as I tried to meet the needs of each of my awesome kids.

Milestones

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Do you like to travel?  I do.

Do you like long car rides that go on forever as you eagerly anticipate the destination…me not so much.  So when I travel I count down the miles to different places and track the mileage signs.  I also do this because I usually need a bathroom break and who ever is driving will say we will stop when we get to such and such destination.

I’m traveling a different road currently.  In mothering we are approaching a pretty significant milestone and I’m not sure that I’m ready for it.  Graduation is approaching.

The Firstborn is graduating in May.  It’s a huge Milestone and I’m super proud of all of the activities, accomplishments and fun that have been packed into the last 4 years of High School, but I’m also feeling overwhelmed and sad.  My baby is gearing up to leave the nest.  College is looming on the horizon and while that is exciting and the next thing that should happen in the education cycle but I’m also sad.  I’m sad because it means that the family dynamic will change and have to adapt.

We got the graduation packet this week.  It tells us all the information that parents need to know about graduation, the timelines of everything and the expectations.  I’m glad they are on top of everything but I’m not ready for it yet.  This milestone is coming to rapidly and I just want time to slow down.

So if you see me and I’m feeling weepy it’s probably this…trying to soak in as much time as possible before this milestone is upon us.  Trying to enjoy all the eye rolls, stressful moments and everything that goes with parenting an almost adult as I also start thinking about letting her go into the scary next steps. It’s a whole lot of praying and asking God for help and trusting that He is able to take better care of her then I ever could.

Life is an adventure for sure and I’m trying to focus, to enjoy and sometimes to hold on for dear life!

Motherhood

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Motherhood is like being a ringmaster and life is like a circus.

Motherhood is full of stress and fun all at the same time.

Motherhood is feeling like a failure one minute then thinking “man I got this”…just a few seconds later.

Motherhood is the hardest job a woman can do.

Motherhood is a juggling act and the mental load of juggling so much can leave you feeling spent.

Motherhood is feeling crazy, frantic and that the day should be over and when you look at the clock it’s only 8:15 in the morning.

Motherhood is watching your child perform or do something amazing and feeling so proud you think that your heart is going to pop out of your chest.

Motherhood is sitting and praying and thinking as you watch your child struggle to learn something or deal with and you can’t fix it.

Motherhood is wishing it would all end and dreading when it’s time for them to fly off and leave the nest.

Motherhood is second guessing everything as you watch them prepare for college and praying that you instilled enough good in them to counteract everything around them.

Motherhood is never ending…because who do you call when you don’t know how to do something…Mom of course!

Motherhood is wishing for 24 hours of silence and then worrying when it’s too quiet…

Motherhood is a journey and I’m glad that I get to do it…even when I don’t always like it.

Dealing with Discouragement

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Discouragement is something that I am thinking a lot about.

I’ve been rather discouraged lately…things that I want to accomplish or goals I have for myself are not as easy to make happen when you have kids.  If it was just me and the hubby or just us and the big kids these goals would be easier.  But we have 2 littler ones and that means distractions, needs and sickness.

SICKNESS…has hit the toddler with a vengeance!  He has been on antibiotics more in the last year than all of the other kids put together.  He has been battling ear infections, throat infections, eye infections, and has had one bout of the stomach bug.  We had tubes put in his ears in December and they are working but he still is getting ear infections.  Also when this kid gets sick he gets sick…full on high fever and his neediness just goes through the roof.  This week has been another week of sickness and another round of antibiotics for him. And he’s not kicking this as quickly as I want him to.  I want him to be well and he’s not, and I’m frustrated and discouraged.

It’s so discouraging to be walking through this with him.  I know its partially because he goes to preschool and is around lots of germs.  I also know that once he gets past this phase of life he probably will be super healthy because his immune system will be exposed to lots of stuff but as your walking through the midst of the sickness or illness you feel discouraged.  The toddler gets super clingy when he doesn’t feel good, he becomes needy and grouchy and its honestly exhausting.  When I finally get him to bed the last thing I want to do is exercise or clean.  I just want to collapse and either play on my phone, read a book, or just sleep!’

However, this is just a phase…this too will pass…I know this.  I’ve been down this road before with my big kids.  The toddler years will become the preschool years, the elementary years will become the middle school years and the high school years will become the college years….Instead of being discouraged I need to be encouraged that I have hope…it’s not a serious debilitating condition that we are dealing with. We are dealing with typical childhood ailments.  For the most part my kids are healthy.  In comparison with a lot of kids we are super healthy.  But as your walking the path you tend to lose focus on the here and now as it looms so far ahead and you seem to be making so little progress.

But you don’t stay there…you stop, you change your focus, and you continue…

Step One:  Modify the Standard

I  have to lower my expectations of myself when illness is occurring.  I need to show myself some grace and not beat myself up for having unrealistic goals when you are needed to cuddle and snuggle and love.  They are only babies for a short time and only really want to cuddle for a few years.  On the flip side I also have to not be content to use the kids as a crutch and not do what I need to do because I am tired or frustrated or just done…it’s about finding balance.

Step Two: Find Glimmers of HOPE

When you deal with discouragement sometimes you have to find the glimmers of encouragement along the way as well.  Today I have been encouraged with simple things that I need to embrace rather than dismiss.  My husband who works a lot of long hours let me stay in bed for almost 2 extra hours this morning so I could try and sleep some more.  He turned on Moana and he and the toddler snuggled on the couch. The older children took a shift and played and watched the toddler so I could just go and veg out for awhile.  I was able to lay down and relax for around an hour and let me tell you it was needed.

Step Three:  Celebrate a Success!

Hooray! the 6 year old is getting on board with my daily cleaning routines he’s picking up his stuff with less complaints and fussing…so I guess I’m winning!  We’re learning together to do stuff with a purpose and intention rather than waiting to deal with stuff later.  It may not be what you want to do but it does help with things in the long run.

So how about you?  Are you dealing with discouragement? What encouraging thing have you had today?

 

Do It Anyway

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Ever have a day where you feel like nothing goes the way you think it should?

Yeah…that’s where I am today and I’m not going to whine and go into the details of what made today bad or stir up dirt or throw mud…that’s counterproductive.

However, I’ve been thinking a lot about something that our Pastor said this morning in his sermon.  He shared the verse that was his focus last year and then shared what his verse for this year is going to be.  It’s a good one and I would like to share it with others.

Galatians 6:9-10 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people especially those who belong to the family of believers.”

Then he shared 3 goals for himself taken from these verses:

  • Never get tired of doing good
  • you will Reap a Harvest-if you do not give up
  • Do good every chance you get

Kinda hits you between the eyes…it’s not do good if everyone is being nice and happy.  It’s not do good if you feel good and are in a good frame of mind.  It’s not do good because then maybe someone will do something nice for you.  It’s Do GOOD every chance you get.

I translated that for me as DO IT ANYWAY…some ways I’ve thought about working on this today in conjunction with my goal of being Purposeful.

  • The kids are being crazy and acting ridiculous…don’t freak out, ask nicely to have them change or maybe join in the fun…Do good.
  • The house is a mess, full of items you didn’t get out and crumbs falling from the ceiling…clean up the mess…Do IT ANYWAY..even if you don’t want too.
  • Work is hard, your boss is being demanding and you really don’t want to cooperate with a kind spirit…take a deep breath, focus on the good and DO IT ANYWAY…as an act of service…do it for God instead of your boss.
  • Your spouse and you get into a fight over little things and it escalates into the end of the world…take a step back, change your focus and forgive…DO IT ANYWAY…whether you feel like you want to or not…

Now I’m not saying that I’ve got this whole thing figured out…but I’m reminding myself tonight…Do Good to others….treat others with respect, love and understanding.  Don’t let your hurt feelings or sadness get in the way of being a blessing to someone else.  Take the focus off of the pain you feel and look for something good in the midst of it all.

For me today that meant I swept, mopped and attacked my kitchen floor…I was angry and hurt and used that to accomplish something good for my house.  The kitchen floor was super bad…and now it’s shiny and nice…and I feel like I’ve accomplished something…and it feels good.  I’m glad I took the time to DO IT ANYWAY…instead of wallowing and festering and ignoring something.

How about you?? What way’s can you DO IT ANYWAY and DO GOOD?

 

 

Thursday Thoughts

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Thursday’s are my day off of work.  I am a teacher in a Preschool and since our youngest was born I have worked only 4 days a week and under 30 hours a week.  It works out well for the family as I have one quality day with the littlest, I have time and energy to accomplish things around the house and I can get some extra rest at nap time(in theory).  It’s also great for scheduling Doctor’s appointments and other things so I don’t have to take time off work to get these things done…state inspections on cars, maintenance stuff and that kind of thing.

Thursdays often become a time of thinking for me as it’s much quieter around here with just one kid here and he’s not a big talker yet so I can process things a little better.

Some thoughts I’ve had today…

  • Laundry is the true curse of Eve….before sin Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed.  After the fall of man we became full of shame and knew we were naked…and God gave man clothing….and his wife has to wash them…I folded 6 baskets of laundry today as I had put it off…won’t lie…not my favorite part of being a wife and mother…
  • Nothing is cuter and equally frustrating as a toddler learning to do things…the 1 year old is learning lots of new things and he is doing it in a cute way but he’s also having trouble with figuring out how to get it just right and that mean’s tears…giggles are my favorite but tears get real old real fast.
  • I read once that you need 7 positive touches a day for good mental health…well if you could bank them then I have had enough over the last few days to last until I’m in my 70’s!  The toddler and 6 year old have been rather touchy feelie lately!  I appreciate that they love me…but they can be really sticky!
  • A new semester started today for my big kids…the Senior just informed me that prom is in 100 days…time really speeds up when they hit the high school years.  My kids need to be in school though…I’ve heard more positive conversations in the last 2 hours than I heard in the last few days of break…it’s nice to have new things to talk about.

So that is a look into the way my mind works and some of the things I think about in the course of a day…

What did you think about today???

 

A New Year Ahead

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2018….can you believe it’s 2018?

I’m still wrapping my mind around the fact that it’s 2018…seems like it was just yesterday when we were welcoming in the year 2000.  18 years have gone by in a blink and yet so much has happened in those 18 years.

That’s how life is…the moments seem so long but the years are so fast.  That’s where I am in my mothering.  Honestly I can’t believe where I am in the mothering process.  We have 4 kids.  Our oldest will turn 18 this year!  Graduating from High School in 5 months and 8 days! The countdown is on and I’m not ready to be the mother of a college student…I’m not…Senior year is half over and I am missing the days of 3rd and 4th grade with projects, silliness and a different life.  My next born is 15 this year and will turn 16 by the end of 2018…that means driving a car is in the near future.  I don’t like that idea…where’s my dude learning to ride a bike and a scooter…nervous about elementary school…not a Freshman is high school…taking Driver’s Ed this summer and making me develop gray hairs…not possible he’s that old.  The third one…turns 7 this year.  He’s learning to read and write complete sentences and asks more questions that I can imagine…and time isn’t moving as fast for me with him.   I think that the younger the child and the harder you have to work at the parenting of them that the days and hours and minutes seem so long…and yet I know I will blink in a few years and he will be 10 or 11 and entering the tween years.  Finally there is the youngest…he’s going to be 2 this year…and honestly he exhausts me the most.  He’s in that busy phase of life where he has to be involved in everything and he needs to be held and he’s not talking yet and there are tears…so many tears…and sometimes I cry as well because I feel like I’m going to break from the stress of everything…because the toddler years are hard.  They are full of spilled milk, runny noses, poopy diapers and tantrums.  They are also a lot of fun as you see new skills emerge and they smile at the silliest things and they still think you hung the moon.

It’s a process… I’m in the middle of the trenches and there is so much fun, laughter, tears, heartaches, frustrations and feelings of being overwhelmed.  To be honest I feel like I have screwed everything up most of the time and I don’t know why I get to be their mom.  I haven’t found many parenting books that cover both the teenage years and toddlerdom at the same time…honestly I wing it most of the time and I fail a lot.

So a new year looms…and I’ve been thinking and contemplating and getting my mind into a place of change.  I’m picking a word for me to claim this year.  I’ve done this in previous years and while I’ve not been great with it I did find it helpful to help me focus.

My word for 2018 is PURPOSEFUL…I am going to be involved and have a purpose behind what I do.  To have a purpose means that you have a goal in mind and you strive to find ways to meet that goal.  That’s my focus.  Set a goal, work that goal, conquer the goal.

Areas for me to be PURPOSEFUL…

Exercise…I will schedule time to exercise at least 4 times a week…whether I go to the gym, do some yoga at home, play at the park, take a walk….we will purpose to do exercise. I can’t let the excuse of work or other things keep me from exercise.  I only have one body and I need it to be strong and healthy.

God’s Word…I struggle with my Bible time.  I love the Lord with all my heart but I find myself struggling to find time to get into the Bible.  So far I have found 2 challenges…one on Facebook and one for me to apply the Bible Study method that my Pastor has taught us that I find helpful.

Experiences…I want my family to have purposeful experiences every month.  This may be time one on one with the teenagers, it might be a family activity, it might be cooking a special meal for them…I want them to look back and have experiences that they can remember of fun times with the family. I also need to connect with the hubby…he’s important and our time together needs to be quality time.

Eating and Drinking…I need to eat more Vegetables and Fruits…I’m a meat and potatoes girl and I love Dr. Pepper too much.  I need to be purposeful in drinking an appropriate amount of water and eating foods that will give me the fuel I need to help me navigate this life I live and we are busy and I am very content with fast and easy foods.

Housekeeping…let me tell you right now…I’m a horrible house keeper and my house is an obstacle course most of the time. I suffer continuously with CHAOS(Can’t have anyone over syndrome).  I blame the kids but honestly I don’t make them do enough and the house suffers and it’s stressful.  I am going to be purposeful in improving my habits so that our home is a comforting retreat and not another battlefield.

So what’s your word for 2018…what goals have you set for yourself?  I would love to chat and connect and be a part of each other’s lives as we take on this year of 2018.